I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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