A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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