no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
