4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
