I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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