wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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