Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
nutella sex= disaster
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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