never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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