I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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