Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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