Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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