Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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