3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
