He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
