Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
