how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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