Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
