??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
