ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dicks are not precious.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
