all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
