my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
