Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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