She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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