he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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