No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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