oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
