I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
