you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
