I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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