So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
