sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
