you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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