I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
