I just threw up on my dentist
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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