I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
