I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
