I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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