Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
