Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize