Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
