Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
