No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
honey bunches of taint.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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