i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
