Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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