Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there was a trapeze. enough said
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
