did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
