if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
