What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
