I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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