you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
