I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
