this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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