nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
